Wait I Have A Gift?

Before I got saved I was in church and I heard a member of the church speaking in tongues and of course I was like, what is he saying? I was like Lord am I not saved because I can't speak tongues and I can't understand it. As time went on I became frustrated because I couldn't understand why I wasn't given that gift, was I not deep enough in the spirit? Well while fasting and reading the Bible the other day I came across 1Corinthians 12:4-12:11 which reads:

"Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.  And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord.  And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.  But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.  For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit; To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another [divers] kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues: But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will."

So I began to wonder well, what's my spiritual gift? I prayed on it and was like God I'm going to sit right here until I know, I won't let go until you touch me. So the first day passed, nothing, the second day, nothing, the third day nothing. I said, why I can't I know, is it a secret? So one day at work, a coworker came up to me saying she was tired of working and that she felt depressed and so forth and I said "Everything will be okay, everything works out for the goodness for The Lord" and I kindly walked away and she stopped me and said "you are such a blessing, your spirit is so welcoming and for some reason it makes me not want to be sad, like hope" I smiled and said thank you but in my head I was like "ME". Well this seems to happen to me a lot whether its through my blog or some random person in the street. It's never someone I know always someone I don't know. A lady once told me "your smile alone makes me feel like everything will be alright". So when I got home I pondered on everything that has ever happened to me, every unusual experience and I said well what do you call this gift that soothes the soul or that makes people feel that life can go on? Honestly I don't know, but the answer I got from God is "you must manifest in it". Now what does that mean, my fellow Christians? Does that mean there's levels to this gift? And who am I?  I'm just just me.

I say all of this to say what is your spiritual gift? Are you using it? Are you scared to use it? Are you letting it go to waste?  God gave us all different gifts to reach people in different ways. I'm still working on mine, I would love for it to evolve into the gift God wants it to be, or maybe this is it, maybe my writing or my smile or my words  that I speak is it. I don't know but I do know if I can bring just one person to Christ and he becomes saved then hey I am satisfied. Be blessed my brothers and sisters.

Brand New Me: OK I GET IT!!!!!!

Brand New Me: OK I GET IT!!!!!!: The past two weeks have been a spiritual rollercoaster for me. I found myself asking for guidance and reassurance about various situations. ...

OK I GET IT!!!!!!

The past two weeks have been a spiritual rollercoaster for me. I found myself asking for guidance and reassurance about various situations. Is he or is he not the one? Should I mend the friendship or close the door completely? Lord I feel myself being pulled in a different direction, should I or should I not go? 2weeks I battled, 2 weeks of constant confusion and honestly of losing patience. I was then invited to a Revival by a friend, I didn't expect to get much, just wanted to give God glory, I mean if I use to be able to go to the club every day of the week, why not the house of The Lord. Each day of Revival The Lord said to me "seek me and ye shall find me". Me being new in Christ I figured hey it's just the minister talking, nothing big. But the message got louder and louder "Seek Me And Ye Shall Find Me" I said ok I pray everyday no biggie. So by Saturday I was like ok Lord what's up? Because I had a meeting that left me feeling like do I belong here? Then I had a conversation with a friend about different denominations and how our churches are alike but the fact is we all believe that Christ died for our sins and rose again on the 3rd day. Even though to him it was just a casual conversation, the questions were sinking deep in my soul and I kind of wanted the conversation to be over with. By Sunday, the last day of the revival, I was spiritually in need of God to talk to me. As the Minister talked all I heard was, what I heard the other days " Seek me and ye shall find me" but then I heard a whisper and it said "I have to be put first before anything can come together" Then my friend was asked to come to the front of the church and I cried like I've never cried before. Tears of joy of course but I still felt like I needed to hear The Lord's voice. I still felt lost. So last night I got sick and was throwing up and was like what's wrong with me and again I heard "seek me and ye shall find me" I said I pray, what else am I suppose to do, geeezzzz? I then heard "no tv, no fb, no Instagram, no cellphone, no food, no water and you'll find me." No Instagram is the first thing I said lol. So I said ok, if it be in his will, fine. So I got up this morning turned off my phone, got on my knees and prayed and something said read the whole book of 1 Corinthians. I read it and cried all the way through it, fell on my knees again and asked God for forgiveness. I worshipped his name from 9am-12pm. Crying, glorifying him and thanking him continuously. I then said am I dating the right friend and I heard pray for your coworker, who I've only met once, I said ok Lord but I don't know how that helps me but fine. After awhile The Lord told me what I needed to hear not exactly what I wanted to hear though, but it was needed nonetheless. I say this to say if you want to hear from The Lord you have to seek him, praying isn't enough, you have to spend time with him and listen out for him. Don't get me wrong sometimes God tells you exactly what you need but most of the time we don't want to hear it, because as human beings we want what we want when we want it. I'm going to trust in The Lord and trust that what he has said to me today is for my good. There was a door he asked me to close that I have left open and I will do so even though I really don't want to. We are all promised a blessed life if we just put him first and trust him and walk the Christian walk, it won't be easy, it won't be everything we want but if we trust him then it will be EVERYTHING WE NEED AND MORE. OUR HEARTS DESIRES WILL BE GIVEN WITH TRUST OBEDIENCE AND PATIENCE!!!!! BE BLESSED!!!

Brand New Me: You Still Mad?????? Forgive & Move Forward

Brand New Me: You Still Mad?????? Forgive & Move Forward: Matthew 18:21-22 "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother  sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times...

You Still Mad?????? Forgive & Move Forward

Matthew 18:21-22 "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother  sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, until seventy times seven."

I must say forgiveness is probably some people's hardest task.  When someone hurts you emotionally, physically, or even mentally and sometimes financially it's hard to just accept the apology and move forward.  For some reason for me it's not that hard.  For me it's simple since finding Christ just apologize and move on but an apology for me doesn't mean the relationship will remain the same.  Yes I will still love you and care for you but from distance.  I think the hardest person to forgive in my life was myself.  Through various trials and tribulations I was so hard on myself because I allowed someone else's actions to determine my own.  I hold no grudges against anyone because God forgave me so many times who am I not to forgive.  At one point my best friend from hurt me, not purposely, but she did and for awhile I wouldn't talk to her, I had to pray on it because regardless of the situation she was and is my sister, so after she and I talked, finally, I still felt some type of way, I accepted her apology but I was still hurt.  Not until my son passed away I was able to walk in her shoes and I understood the pain and lost and so I decided that her and I should take a trip away and we did, to AC, where we laughed, prayed and cried and I must say that I'm glad God fixed it because I couldn't ask for a better best friend (Side Note: Just to be clear I love all of my best friends like my family), because she gives without questions and I love her like my sister to this day.  I've learned that forgiveness is a must and you can't live your life thinking cutting people off is the answer because you'll get to the point where you have cut off everybody and there is only you left.  I'm not saying allow people in your life that continuously hurt you, but I am saying forgiveness is not only for that person but for yourself.  Pretending someone didn't hurt you won't change the fact that they did.  Talk to them, reach out to them and maybe you can mend your relationship or maybe you won't but at least you'll have peace.  I mean I even forgave my son's father and I apologized to him because of the threats I gave out and how much I tried to make him suffer.  It wasn't up to me to do so, God is the only one who is in control and when we start taking matters into our own hands, things tend to spiral out of control. For God said "revenge is mine" but me being me with a very short temper blacked out but I regret it.  So I forgave him and I have no grudge against him, I mean it took awhile but I did it.  Most people would say why in the world would you do that, it wasn't for him it was totally for me. Now I'm at a point where he is happily married and I pray they are blessed and I'm happily dating someone and he wishes me the same because he has forgiven me.  With all of that being said, it's time I take my own advice.  When I started this blog, I didn't know how much info I wanted the world to know about me, but I realized my journey is my testimony, so I decided to just let it all out. As my close friends know, I was molested and emotionally abused as a child, which left me damaged and I've seen my abuser from time to time.  We would see each other and just walk pass each other like we never knew each other, but I'm finally ready to talk to him after almost 10 years of not speaking.  I'm not going to get some heartfelt apology but to tell him I forgive him and that he's in my prayers (I'll let you know how it goes).  I mean again I reiterate God has brought me from a mighty long way, the least I can do is forgive the people who have hurt me and move on with my life, because I know God has something great in store for me and I won't ever get it living in the past.  


May you all be blessed and remember the past is the past but if you're still mad then the past now effects you're future.