BOTTOMS DOWN!!!!

Most people know me as the drinker of the crew. In my college years I could out drink anyone.  I had no favorite drink anything you can think of I had it. I guess people would wonder how can I drink and be alright the next day or how could I drink without eating anything. I guess I can tell you why. My first drink was given to me at the age of 9 by my father, who was a chronic alcoholic, but one day I was jumping around like a crazy child and he gave me some Old English beer, which made my behavior worse because then I thought Freddy Kruger was on my wall and I was paranoid. After that I didn't have another drink til I was 18yrs, but mind you I had been clubbing since the age of 14, being grown, so I was always around the drinking and grown folks. By the time I got to college I was a full blown drinker. I carried drinks in my purse, I would get drunk before the club then get more drinks in the club. Only by the grace of God am I alive because honestly I hardly remember any of those parties, that's how much I use to drink. I would have black outs, people would have to carry me out of the club it was crazy. I would be urinating everywhere even in my exes bed. I know most of you are saying WE ALL DID THAT? Well it doesn't make it right or even cute. As I started to get older I noticed that drinking led to arguments between my friends and I and even some family members. Of course I've mended all of those relationships but I ask myself would these arguments have occurred if we were sober. Probably not. I found myself feeling guilty after a night of drinking. I couldn't understand why, I mean was one drink going to kill me? Then I realized one drink turned into two drinks then three drinks and by the time I realized it I had drunk the whole dorn bottle. Well once I came back to Texas after my birthday I was going to buy me a bottle of wine because I had major decisions to make and was very confused with the choice of staying in Texas or moving back to NYC, but while in the aisle of wine something walk away Pam. I said here we go again with the voices. I said its just a bottle of wine and as I reached for the bottle it fell, something came over me standing in the middle of Walmart and I decided I was over drinking, I was over blacking out, I was over needing a drink every time I was stressed, I was over giving my cares to the bottle and not Jesus. I'm not here to judge anyone that drinks, because who am I to judge anyone but I will say instead of the bottle try Jesus because the bottle is only going to last you until you finish it but God's mercy is everlasting and u can't buy that with a 20.00 bottle of wine, beer, liquor anything. God can cure any addiction you just need trust him.

COME ON!!! REALLY?? I DONT WANNA DO THAT

Like most people I had a million dreams as a child. First I wanted to be a doctor, then a teacher, then a lawyer and so on and so on. By the time I was ready to go to college I was clueless. I was young and dumb and I really didn't care about my major. All I wanted to do was party so I picked psychology and I must say I HATED IT so I switched to philosophy and I loved it because I love messing with the human brain but I couldn't focus so I dropped that and finally majored in English, ill tell you why. I took Speech like every freshman and my professor was moved by me, why I don't know but I had to create my own poem and when I say by the time I was finished everyone was just staring the professor said "Ms.Jackson whats your major?" I replied nothing because I don't know what I wanna do. He goes "well Ms. Jackson your new major is English." I looked at him like I was crazy I said English how is that gonna get me a Range Rover? He just laughed. I rocked out with English and loved it. After awhile I got bored and decided to focus on Nursing but something kept blocking it, I also considered Social Work but said who wants to be broke. I was accepted into the best programs and I knew I wanted my DNP but something always distracted me.  Plus if you know me I love the nice clothes and expensive bags but I couldn't focus on nursing.  Then God stepped in.  After moving to Texas I met a woman who was my neighbor, she would ask me to drive her to the store and little things like that.  One day she was telling me how stressed she was and the next thing I knew I was giving my testimony. When we finally got to her house I looked over to tell her bye and she was CRYING!!! I said what is wrong with you? She said you are my blessing, God sent you to me. All I could say was oh God is good and I pulled off. I was scared and I went home and prayed because something was wrong, I had never gave a testimony before and when i said I was scared, man listen I WAS SCARED. As time went on I found myself quoting the gospel and comforting folks who I never met. Then while at work one day looking at nursing programs something said no and I found myself looking at Social Work programs. THEN JOY HIT MY HEART AND I HAVEN'T LOOKED BACK SINCE. The point of this blog was to say if you keep hitting a brick wall in life maybe God has another plan for you. Pray on it, stay in his word because his word is true. You may not want to do what you're called to do but eventually God's plan will fall into place whether you like it or not. Be not discouraged for God has promised you a prosperous life all you have to do is trust him.

I WON'T COMPLAIN

I've never been a blogger nor have I ever wanted to blog, I always felt it was for people who had too much time on their hands.  Now here I am blogging.  Most of the people who know me don't know me, they wish they did but they don't then they become shocked behind the things that I do.  So here I am wide open.  I guess my reason for finally blogging just came to me out of no where.  Lately I have been working on becoming the best Christian woman that I can be.  Lord knows it hasn't been easy.  My journey towards Christ hasn't been best because when I say I was the main one in the club, in little dresses, living it up believe it.  I partied from Sunday to Sunday non-stop drinking just acting crazy passing out drunk with no regrets.  I was in a so called relationship with someone who wasn't in a relationship with me but just a little bit of his time was satisfying enough for me.  I was quick to cut you or choke you out depending on how drunk I was.  Then God decided that it was time for me to slow down and I became pregnant.  Well that's when everything changed.  What people don't tell you is once you become pregnant your selfish ways tend to leave you.  I was in bliss even though his father wasn't.  The crazy part is that even though he kept denying his child spending time with him never ceased, even though the crazy ex called me ranting and raving our relationship never ceased.  Most people believed it did because that's what I told them, because I knew I was being stupid.  As women we tend to love the men who are no good and throw away the ones that are great.  I believe God wasn't happy with my decisions.  My son's father had a hold on me that I couldn't shake, it was like voodoo.  Well on January 15, 2012 the spell was broken, I gave birth to my son, Jonah Thomas Jackson.  He was premature, 1 pound 4 oz.  What most people don't know is I knew he was coming early, I just never told anyone.  One night while I was sleep I had a dream I was in a terrible storm just me no one else and I heard a boy screaming mommy, mommy I need you to get ready.  That dream stays with me until today. So when Jonah aka Jojo was born I was ready.  I didn't know how tedious the roller coaster would be but I knew it was coming.  I prayed with him everyday, read the bible to him everyday and even though he fought as hard as he could to survive he got tired and passed away on July 12, 2012.  People still don't understand the journey and how God brought me through, see I know Jonah was an angel, there is no doubt in my mind.  I was lost and in a bad relationship and keeping company that I shouldn't have been but God found a way to block me from future hurt and pain that was coming if I kept on my same path.  After Jonah's death I pretty much continued going to church, left his father and started dating again.  I realized I never gave myself time to breath.  It was like I was craving for affection from a man, the wrong men at that, when I should of been seeking Jesus attention.  Well one night while laying in bed watching TV something hit me and said TEXAS.  I was scared out of my mind but couldn't tell no one because everyone would of thought I was crazy.  I ignored it and it hit me again TEXAS I looked up and said "Jesus are you playing".  For some reason I called up my best friend Meeka and went on to visit her in Texas.  Now I must say Texas is nothing like I imagined, I actually liked it and from that visit on I planned my move to Texas.  Then the devil stepped in and sent me a man who I thought was the one who turned out to be two tons of crazy.  Being with him I reconsidered Texas until the fool bit me on the face then pretended that he was dead and resurrected.  That was it for me, I was done dating, I was done with NYC and most of all I was done not letting Jesus be the head of my life.  So I left NYC moved to Texas and I've been here since.  I left NYC with nothing no job no car no nothing.  I let Jesus take the wheel and drive  the car.  I worried about nothing and God provided me with 3 three jobs 2 cars and a nice apartment.  Still no man though lol but I've learned a man should seek his wife so I'm not looking for anybody he'll find me in due time and if not hey well there's always artificial insemination right lol.  Well this is the past of me, I invite you to take this journey with me on becoming a better Christian woman, give me feedback, laugh with me, cry with me, grow with me.  I've learned that even though I've been through a lot there are people who have been through much worse, so I won't complain.