Brand New Me: Who Am I??????

Brand New Me: Who Am I??????: One day while I was on my way to work driving on I-10 in San Antonio, TX I seen something that scared me to death. Most people will think I&...

Who Am I??????

One day while I was on my way to work driving on I-10 in San Antonio, TX I seen something that scared me to death. Most people will think I'm crazy when I say what I saw and most will know exactly what it was. Sad part is I still don't know what to make of it.  So let me tell you what I saw, a dog.  Not just an ordinary dog though, it was a huge black German Shepard, that stood at least 7 foot tall. While I approached it, I watched all the other cars just simply go around it, while I was in complete awe that this dog was there. No one else seemed to notice or maybe they didn't care. I felt like I was the only person that seen it. The crazy part is the dog never moved, budged, not even his head, he just looked dead at me and I was scared to death. While I passed the dog his eyes followed me and then when I looked back in my rear view mirror he was gone. Now I've worked with psych patients most of my life, so maybe I was becoming psychotic. I couldn't explain this dog to anyone, I was lost for words and that is hard for me. Then things begin to happen and not for the good I must say. I felt like The devil was chasing me, because I had left NYC and I said I was over it and over dealing with family and I wanted my friends at a distance, as for dating it was NULL AND VOID. Texas was for me to finally have a peace of mind, so when the job offer came in at a great hospital with great pay I said let me check it out, I mean why not. Did the interview and got the job, that most people would die for, but I didn't want it. It wasn't that I didn't want the job, I didn't want to go back to NYC, because I'm still over NYC. So as i begin to make this transition, things begin to go wrong and I said great now I can stay in Texas. It felt the like the devil was trying to keep me in Texas while God kept making a way for me to get to NYC. So I finally dropped to my knees and said God let your will be done, ill go wherever you want me to go. I must say its hard giving up control of your own life, having faith beyond measures because you never know what's going to happen. Once the transition was made I realized I walked into chaos. Family was in disarray, friendships were over, finances were short and I said oh no Lord send me back to Texas because this right here, I don't have the time for. I was discouraged and I felt more lonely then than I ever felt in my life. I had to pray on it and I thought of Job in the bible where God allowed the devil to test him, which he did, but the devil wasn't allowed to touch his soul then everything hit my heart like a ton of bricks, I realized my move wasn't for me, it had nothing to do with me. Once I came back my little brother started going to church, my sister (who is on her own journey) got saved, I get to date the most wonderful man and on top of that I feel closer to my best friends more than ever. This journey to and from Texas molded me into the woman God needed me to be for him and everyone else. I say all of this to say. Will you trust him today? Even when it looks dark, even when you don't know the outcome, even if it hurts, will you trust him? We are so quick to lean to our own understanding or allow our feelings to get the best of us but will you lean on him? For I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I know God is there already so need not to worry. Trust him in death, in low finances, in loneliness, in trouble times, when your friends don't pick up, when your relationship is rocky, when all you can do is cry, trust him, for the spirit of The Lord will never leave you. My journey back to NYC made me ask one question WHO AM I TO QUESTION GOD? *smiles*  Absolutely nobody!!!!!!!

Oops I Prayed For That??? My Bad

Like most people I grew up saying my prayers at meal times and at bed time. As I got older and got closer to God I found myself thanking God for everything from waking up to getting home safely, I even prayed for what I thought were the "bad things" because I figured everything was in Gods will. While sitting in church one day the Pastor was preaching from Matthew 7:7-8 KJV which says:

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: [8] For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

And like most people who read this I thought GREAT no worries!!! WRONG!!!!  Like I said the closer I got to Christ the more I prayed but I learned the term "be careful what you pray for" the hard way. I say this because one job that I prayed so hard for I got and when I got there I was miserable, a relationship I wanted to work so bad I prayed for just to be hurt, a friendship I wanted so bad to repair I prayed on just to not have the friendship in the end anyway. I learned that while it may not be in your best interest God may provide you with what you pray for just so you can see that its not what you need or even what. As human beings we tend to want what we want no ifs ands or buts about it, but we need to start asking God to give us what we need so we can become the people HE wants us to be. When God closes a door to relationships, friendships, jobs, or anything we must ask God to give us the strength to cope with the closed door, we shouldn't assume what God wants. Ask God for clarity and guidance. I've learned to not even question God and his decisions, I say "Lord let your will be done" and I go about my business. Don't get me wrong I forgive and I'll even apologize because forgiveness is a must but I do not reopen a door which is closed because honestly I'm too scared because God could of closed that door to save your life. Prayer is powerful and if you're not careful what you pray for may come to be then you got to pray to get you out of it. God is good and merciful, he never puts more on you than you can bear so pray for his undersranding and allow him to manifest in your life without your own two cent. For what you want so badly can sometimes bring you the most grief.

Chase The Spirit & Let Him Chase You!!!!

Like most women it took me all long time to learn my self worth. My first real boyfriend was at the age of 14, I can admit now that he was way too old for me and I should of been focusing on school and not cutting school to see him. At that point in my life I loved the thug, the hustler, the bad guy and I must say if I knew half of what I know now I wouldn't have gotten rid of the good guys that approached me. The pattern continued for years. I can honestly say that I played "the dummy" until the age of 29. My relationship before the last one was the worst because I wasn't even in a relationship but my heart believed so and the lies he told was sold to me so easily that now I kind of wanna preach on every corner to every young girl to throw her the warning signs. I guess we all have been played once in our life but I must say not until I started seeking God's approval did I realize "wait hold up I've been doing it wrong". After my last relationship I had a conversation with my Lord and said "that's it you win. Obviously I can't pick a good man if he was standing right next to me so I turn it over to you. I CLAIM CELIBACY." Yes I'm celibate and no I don't regret my decision. I can now date without clouded judgement of what I want things to be, I get to be courted and treated like I'm suppose to because I make it clear NO I DO NO NOTHING and I stand firm in that not only because I was tired, I don't want to disappoint God. I've learned to CHASE THE SPIRIT AND EVERY THING AND EVERYBODY WHO GOD WANTS IN MY LIFE WILL CHASE ME. As women when do you say enough is enough? When do you treat your body as your temple? A real man isn't living with you playing house, having you sleep over and go home in the morning, stringing you along with no titles, or making you cry or disappointing you. A real man makes you feel secure, he leaves no doubt in your mind about where you all are going, he has a plan and he is making that plan happen and if he truly wants to be with you he will wait. Know your self worth and remember God is the only man you should be chasing because when you CHASE GOD, ooh my beautiful Queens he will send you a King for your home and you'll wonder why you didn't take this path sooner. Be blessed

"All Other Ground is Sinking Sand" To the woman we call Gaga

The Bible was instilled in me since I was a child. My grandma (Gaga) sent me to Grace Christian Academy and had me in church every Sunday. Gaga never cared if I played outside with my friends but my behind was going to be in church singing on the choir, side note I can't sing, but she had me there anyway. I knew all of the books of the Bible, the 10 commandments, everything. I THANK HER. The Bible says train up a child in the way she should go and she shall never depart from it. I weep for our children today, they know every single Beyonce song but can't recite the Lord's Prayer. If it wasn't for my Gaga and Jesus of course, where would I be. As a child I had the best and experienced the worse. Don't pity me because I am blessed. My Gaga made sure I had the best clothing, the best teachers, the Bible and a childhood. As a child she was my best friend because only she knew the pain I was enduring. Siblings, family no one can understand our bond and Gaga never explained it to anyone. My Gaga knew what I was going through so every time I would visit her she would give me quarters to call her if I needed her, she called them "prayer quarters".  So at around 8 or 9 years old I would run out of the house at 2 or 3 in the morning crying and she would answer every time and I would say "Gaga would you ask Jesus to save us please, and can he hurry? Is he busy?" And she would pray and cry with me and say "Baby God is going to fix this, he may not come right now but he's always on time", which he did but by the time God stepped in I started to rebel. During my rebellious stage all Gaga would say is "Pam you know better and I'm disappointed". Regardless of what I was doing or where I was going the spirit followed because I know my Gaga had me all prayed up. Of course I started discovering Jesus for myself, which is great. I thank God for entering my life but I thank God for my Gaga for starting the pathway. I grew up with Jesus on my side and he has never left me even when I thought I was alone, even when I was running the streets clubbing, cursing, fighting and acting a pure fool. I write this to say what's wrong with your child knowing the Bible?  Rap artist, R&B artist and anything or anyone can't save your child in his or her darkest hour but Jesus can. I pray you teach your child prayers before bedtime or receiving a meal or the Psalm 23 because in the end no one and I mean NO ONE can save them but the Lord himself.

Thank you Gaga because without you laying the solid foundation I would be lost or worse dead. Now I stand on that foundation and "all other ground is sinking sand" BE BLESSED MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS!!!!!