I WON'T COMPLAIN

I've never been a blogger nor have I ever wanted to blog, I always felt it was for people who had too much time on their hands.  Now here I am blogging.  Most of the people who know me don't know me, they wish they did but they don't then they become shocked behind the things that I do.  So here I am wide open.  I guess my reason for finally blogging just came to me out of no where.  Lately I have been working on becoming the best Christian woman that I can be.  Lord knows it hasn't been easy.  My journey towards Christ hasn't been best because when I say I was the main one in the club, in little dresses, living it up believe it.  I partied from Sunday to Sunday non-stop drinking just acting crazy passing out drunk with no regrets.  I was in a so called relationship with someone who wasn't in a relationship with me but just a little bit of his time was satisfying enough for me.  I was quick to cut you or choke you out depending on how drunk I was.  Then God decided that it was time for me to slow down and I became pregnant.  Well that's when everything changed.  What people don't tell you is once you become pregnant your selfish ways tend to leave you.  I was in bliss even though his father wasn't.  The crazy part is that even though he kept denying his child spending time with him never ceased, even though the crazy ex called me ranting and raving our relationship never ceased.  Most people believed it did because that's what I told them, because I knew I was being stupid.  As women we tend to love the men who are no good and throw away the ones that are great.  I believe God wasn't happy with my decisions.  My son's father had a hold on me that I couldn't shake, it was like voodoo.  Well on January 15, 2012 the spell was broken, I gave birth to my son, Jonah Thomas Jackson.  He was premature, 1 pound 4 oz.  What most people don't know is I knew he was coming early, I just never told anyone.  One night while I was sleep I had a dream I was in a terrible storm just me no one else and I heard a boy screaming mommy, mommy I need you to get ready.  That dream stays with me until today. So when Jonah aka Jojo was born I was ready.  I didn't know how tedious the roller coaster would be but I knew it was coming.  I prayed with him everyday, read the bible to him everyday and even though he fought as hard as he could to survive he got tired and passed away on July 12, 2012.  People still don't understand the journey and how God brought me through, see I know Jonah was an angel, there is no doubt in my mind.  I was lost and in a bad relationship and keeping company that I shouldn't have been but God found a way to block me from future hurt and pain that was coming if I kept on my same path.  After Jonah's death I pretty much continued going to church, left his father and started dating again.  I realized I never gave myself time to breath.  It was like I was craving for affection from a man, the wrong men at that, when I should of been seeking Jesus attention.  Well one night while laying in bed watching TV something hit me and said TEXAS.  I was scared out of my mind but couldn't tell no one because everyone would of thought I was crazy.  I ignored it and it hit me again TEXAS I looked up and said "Jesus are you playing".  For some reason I called up my best friend Meeka and went on to visit her in Texas.  Now I must say Texas is nothing like I imagined, I actually liked it and from that visit on I planned my move to Texas.  Then the devil stepped in and sent me a man who I thought was the one who turned out to be two tons of crazy.  Being with him I reconsidered Texas until the fool bit me on the face then pretended that he was dead and resurrected.  That was it for me, I was done dating, I was done with NYC and most of all I was done not letting Jesus be the head of my life.  So I left NYC moved to Texas and I've been here since.  I left NYC with nothing no job no car no nothing.  I let Jesus take the wheel and drive  the car.  I worried about nothing and God provided me with 3 three jobs 2 cars and a nice apartment.  Still no man though lol but I've learned a man should seek his wife so I'm not looking for anybody he'll find me in due time and if not hey well there's always artificial insemination right lol.  Well this is the past of me, I invite you to take this journey with me on becoming a better Christian woman, give me feedback, laugh with me, cry with me, grow with me.  I've learned that even though I've been through a lot there are people who have been through much worse, so I won't complain.